I finally got to see him

All day I thought it was tuesday, hell, I dont even know what day it is anymore unless I check the computer calendar. Hubby is now in a SNF (skilled nursing facility) he's not able to come home due to all of his health problems. He was transferred on the 10th from tuscon and they were going to do a parcentisis when they got there. It turned out they couldnt cause it had moved and wouldve been too dangerous due to location, fluid pockets surrounding his intestines, so they rescheduled him for today. I was up there finally visiting him. that makes a whole 2 times I have been able to see him in the past month. He is literally emmense, full of fluid that his body is unable to get rid of and keeps retaining more. The nurse came in and tells us that due to his lab results, they can't do it as an office procedure or outpatient, that they have to admit him for it over night cause of the posibility of him bleeding out.

Well......and ya wonder why I am constantly in tears, why I get angry, why I hide here and cant really speak to any one face to face.... 

They have not come out and actually said its terminal, but he is so sick. His mom has been calling, almost on a nightly basis. Funny, how when she didnt bother with him for all these years, she tells me I am bringing back a lot of memories for her of him when he was  the Lost Boy. Welll, my dear MIL, he still is Lost Boy. She refers to those times  as "when he was in his dark place".

You shouldve seen his face when I walked into his room. All he could say was mama, oh mama come here my hug meter is empty. He sobbed and told me he was being a good boy so he could "come home". Omg, reduced me to tears all over again, still does. I remember one of Thoughts readers telling me how if the brain doesnt get an legit answer, it will create one to fit...Does he think I sent him away, or am punishing him. God help me.

I have my phone off and plugged in, it was beeping its last breath when I finally found it at the bottom of my bag....go figure.

Its 730 and the street lights are on and JJ needs to come home now.



To leave a comment, please sign in with
or or

Comments (3)

  1. bluevader

    My prayers and thoughts go out to you both.

    April 13, 2017
  2. SEC

    my prayers for your comfort and strength

    April 13, 2017
  3. 4lorac

    thank you

    April 16, 2017