It was hard today. I could see that the levels were increasing, by watching his behaviors. AND, he cant even control his body functions now. He is peeing/soiling his pants before he can get to a bathroom. Its urge and immediate, as in right effing now. I feel so bad for him. he becomes so embarrassed and ashamed and looks at me with utter fear. I am also angry because no one will call back, not one of the VM, emails, nothing gets returned.
So, at 17, he found his way to Seattle. This is in the mid to late 70's, height of the grunge era, green river dude and all of that. He was a big kid, so he was able to get a job in fast food kind of jobs, stuff like that, no diploma, back then it didnt matter ll that much, not like it does now. When he found he could sell plasma for enough money to help feed himself, he became a regular. In the mean time he had gone down to where his family was...to find they had moved and not left a forwarding address.
During the time in Seattle, he went back to the donor site and there was a post on the door say "if you have donated here, you may have been exposed to Hepititis C" He told me he didnt know what that was, and didnt feel sick. He went back the next day and all he found was an empty store front.
Knowing him the way I do, I am sure he read up on it, gathering what ever info was available back then. There was no internet, smart phones, no access to what we have now, so it was doing it the old fashioned was...the library. I dont know how much was available back then, but you can bet not as much as technology has allows in todays world. All he knew was he had a virus in him, but not the nasties it was going to do to him.
From what I heard in snatches of conversation through the years, his younger sister seemed to think he was her mission to find him, so she scoured the obits, looking for his name. In the meantime, the very family member that did raise him passed on, leaving him alone in the world, and he never found out till much later. His stepfather, used his job to track him.(He was a Cop remember) so he made dam sure he always knew his general where abouts.
He told me a long time ago, after he found his family had moved without telling him, he kind of figured all he had was himself and spent a lot of time in what his mother refers to as the "dark places" she has no clue what it is to fend for yourself. I got to meet the step father before he passed. I had heard about this guy that sounded bigger than life, that ruled by force and intimidation, didnt like the troubled boy is his ordered little matched family and saw a way to get rid of him. what I met was a shriveled up little guy that walked past you like you didnt exist, couldnt/wouldnt hold a conversation with anyone. The man, when put in a position where he had to actually talk, looked at you like you were a bad smell. So, he went from an abusive birth father that didnt give a shit about anything, to being a CK (cops kid)
At some point during these years, he went back to his roots, just wanting to meet the man that fathered him and the guy said "whacho doing here and whacho want, I aint got nothing for ya" so he left, finally closing that door and went back up to Seattle.
I cant even imagine being that young and being thrown away. I was raised much different that that. And my parents would never have tossed any of us out cause we didnt fit the mold or their idea of such. In thinking, I have never thrown my own to the wolves, I dont care how old they are...they are still my kids. I dont live their lives, wouldnt even want to try, but dam sam, its a wonder he didnt check out in those early years.
His behavior did adjust to his thoughts. He became defensive and short fused and it took nothing to trigger him into brawling. He would fight anyone anywhere anytime and this drew attention to himself....this was the infamous "King County" in Washington state..not a good thing.....to be continued........